The Five Love Languages

Cheers to LOVE!

Wedding season is upon us once again. Let me take this opportunity to give a shout out to my friends Shantelle and Derrys who will be celebrating two years of marital bliss tomorrow. They are a truly beautiful and blessed couple.

Some relationships progress smoothly and others do not. There are numerous reasons for this which I will not go into as that is a book in itself. ‘Fortunately,’ many authors have written books which attempt to help couples improve their relationships and marriages or rediscover the love they have for each other.

Last year, a friend recommended that I read the book ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman. I am sure some of you have read it. Anyway, I was a bit skeptical about an author who claimed that relationships and marriages could possibly be fixed or a long lasting love could be created if couples understood each other’s love language. My first thought was love is complicated and really now didn’t the bible tell us all we need to know about love?

Anyway while stuck in Puerto Rico for two days last year during a storm, I read the book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t think the book contains anything earth shattering but I do like the way the love languages are defined and I do believe it may be helpful for some couples.

For example, based on this book, I quickly realized my primary love language is acts of service followed closely by quality time. My boyfriend does the most caring and thoughtful things for me and even though he does things which fall into all the categories below…it is these acts of service which make me feel so special and cared for.  Similarly and importantly I know what his love language is. So when we add these little tidbits to our 1Corinthians 13 love …let’s just say we are happy.

I have taken the liberty of including the definitions of these love languages from the author Gary Chapman in this blog below. Drop me a comment and let me know if you read the book, your thoughts and if you think that one of these definitions describes your love language. If you have an additional love language, do share! If you think this is a load of crap…do share as well.

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

• Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I hope you enjoyed reading. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on your love language.